why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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