you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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