Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
