Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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