fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
