Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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