I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
