my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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