he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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