I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
