Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
