I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
