You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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