Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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