he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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