Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
