google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
