Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
