woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
