I have demons in me.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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