Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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