So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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