K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
