How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
