I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize