This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
