You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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