Whod you bang
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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