He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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