I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
