You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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