what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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