Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
