I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
