She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
