Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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