Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
