You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
