I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
