I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
