tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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