I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
