I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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