Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
