I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
