oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
