You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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