so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
