Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
