She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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