I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
