omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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