I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
