I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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