We named our party play list daddy issues
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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