you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
