if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
