Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
