By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
