dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do vagina's smell?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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