I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
