I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
