so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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